Date Yourself First

February 16, 2017

chinese-girl-sitting-on-steps-making-a-silly-face-pvTo love addicts, being single sounds terrifying. There are tons of reasons that people prefer to be in relationships over being single. For me, a lot of the reason I used to hate being single was tied to feelings of unworthiness, loneliness, and unhappiness. Take a minute to think about why you like relationships versus being single, and write some of them down.

I had other reasons, like missing out on the intimacy of relationships, but for the most part, I was unhappy being single because I felt like nobody liked me, and that there was something wrong with me. Were any of these reasons on your lists? With some self-exploration, you can find that being single is not the worst thing in the world, and you may even learn to enjoy it.

Before i began recovery for love addiction, I did not understand that the reason I wanted to be in relationships constantly was because I couldn’t stand to be on my own. Being with someone provided me a person to focus on rather than myself and my issues. The key to being fine with being single is working on yourself and facing the emotional turmoil inside, so that you don’t need to latch onto someone. It takes a lot of work, but I’ve found that with increased self-esteem and dealing with my emotions, the extreme need to be in a relationship died down.

Working on myself and feeling worthy completely on my own has taught me that I can take care of myself, and that I would like a relationship because I want to share my life with someone else, not because I need someone else to be my life.

Self-identity is also a big struggle that affects our intense needs to be in relationships. For example, I often took on the likes, hobbies, and friends of my partner. When I became single again, I didn’t know who I was or what I liked. Take your time being single to date the most important person in your life: yourself. Try new activities, foods, and hobbies; explore new places you’ve wanted to see and figure out the things that you love. It’s okay to try something and never do it again, as long as we are being true to who we are. Try to think of some things you love, and write them down. Now, start adding to it!

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