Healing communities, spiritual retreats, and mindfulness circles are often places we turn to for growth, safety, and deeper connection with ourselves and others. But just like in families, relationships, or therapy spaces, unhealthy dynamics can sneak in – even under the guise of enlightenment. One of the most insidious patterns I see in my work is something called spiritual narcissism.

Spiritual narcissism happens when someone uses spiritual ideas, practices, or language to elevate themselves, diminish others, or avoid genuine self-reflection. Instead of spirituality being a path of humility, healing, and connection, it gets weaponized as a way to control, shame, or feel superior. The result? Confusion, self-doubt, and sometimes retraumatization for those on the receiving end.

How Spiritual Narcissism Shows Up

Spiritual narcissists often present as wise, evolved, or deeply in touch with the divine. They may be leaders, teachers, healers, or even just peers in a spiritual circle. What makes the behavior difficult to spot is that their words often sound “right.” They use the language of consciousness, boundaries, energy, and healing – but the energy underneath is off.

Here are some common signs:

• Superiority disguised as wisdom. They frame themselves as more advanced, more awakened, or more “healed” than others.
• Gaslighting through spiritual concepts. If you express hurt, they might say, “That’s just your ego talking,” or, “You’re not evolved enough to see the truth.”
• Bypassing real issues. Instead of accountability, they push forgiveness, positivity, or detachment as a way to shut down difficult conversations.
• Shaming through spirituality. They might imply you’re “too low-vibe,” “not conscious enough,” or “still stuck in your trauma,” in order to deflect from their own behavior.
• Control masked as guidance. They position themselves as the authority on your healing or your soul’s path, discouraging you from trusting your own inner wisdom.

Why It’s So Harmful

Spiritual narcissism cuts deep because it hits us where we’re most vulnerable: our longing for healing, belonging, and meaning. When you enter a spiritual space, you often do so with an open heart. You want to grow. You want to feel safe enough to explore your wounds. A spiritual narcissist takes advantage of that openness.

This dynamic can replicate the same dynamics of narcissistic abuse found in families or romantic relationships, only with a spiritual twist. Instead of yelling or overt criticism, the harm is done through subtle shaming, dismissive advice, or claims of higher knowledge. Over time, you may start to doubt your intuition, silence your feelings, or disconnect from your body – all in the name of being “spiritual.”

The Link to Spiritual Bypassing

Spiritual narcissism is closely tied to spiritual bypassing, which is the tendency to use spiritual practices to avoid dealing with unresolved pain or trauma. For example, someone may tell you to “just meditate” or “focus on the light” instead of grieving, expressing anger, or working through your nervous system responses.

The difference is that spiritual narcissism adds an ego layer. Instead of just avoiding pain, the person positions themselves as more enlightened for avoiding it – and shames others who are actually doing the messy, courageous work of facing their wounds.

Protecting Yourself

If you’ve experienced spiritual narcissism, you may feel both drawn to and hurt by the community or person involved. This is normal. The mix of wisdom and wounding can create a kind of trauma bond, making it hard to leave. Here are a few ways to protect yourself:

• Trust your body. If someone’s words sound enlightened but your stomach feels tight or your chest constricts, that’s a sign. Your body doesn’t lie.
• Value humility. Real spiritual teachers and healers don’t need to prove their enlightenment. They meet you with curiosity, compassion, and accountability.
• Discern between guidance and control. Healthy guidance empowers you to find your own truth. Narcissistic control makes you dependent on their truth.
• Seek safe spaces. Look for communities where vulnerability, repair, and mutual respect are prioritized over image or status.

A Path Back to Self

Spiritual narcissism can shake your faith – in people, in healing, even in yourself. But it doesn’t have to sever your connection to spirituality altogether. In fact, sometimes experiencing this dynamic deepens your discernment. You learn to trust your intuition more fiercely, to honor your body’s signals, and to seek out teachers who embody humility and care.

At its core, spirituality is about connection: to Self, to others, to the divine. True spirituality will never require you to abandon your inner knowing. Healing from spiritual narcissism is a journey of returning to yourself, reclaiming your power, and realizing that the most authentic teacher is the one inside you.

For additional support check out my book Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love available on Kindle and Audible, or check out my therapy and coaching packages.