Do you stay in painful relationships? Do you have a desire to constantly people-please? Do you worry to the point of obsession? Do you think that it is your responsibility to ‘fix’ everything for everybody? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may be codependent.
Don’t Panic! Codependency is treatable and extremely common.
While you may be tempted to start criticizing yourself or running to pick up every book on the subject, take a moment to breathe. Let’s look at a simplified definition of co-dependence and what specific steps you can start right nowÂ to begin your recovery.
“A codependent is a person who can’t function from his or her innate self and instead organizes thinking and behavior around a substance, process, or other person(s).” —Darlene Lancer, MFT
Steps Towards Recovery
Awareness: Awareness is the first step. You are reading this blog and that means something. You will start to ‘feel’ a ton of different emotions, the main two being shame and guilt. You will be able to break through the shame and leave guilt behind, but it will take time and it will take the proper tools and support. Congratulations on being aware. Your first step is complete.
Make a commitment to yourself: Do you find it easier to keep commitments to others but break commitments that you make to yourself? This is YOUR year to step into your authentic and true self. Don’t abandon yourself. It’s okay to put yourself, your needs and your wants first. While this may be difficult at first, it is so important. Make a commitment to work towards recovery with the support of a group and/or trained professional.
Support & help: You may feel stuck and don’t know where to start or where to find help. Working with a professional (therapist or coach) will help you deal with shame and guilt. They will also give you tools to move forward in recovery from co-dependence. You can attend a co-dependents anonymous group. You will hear the stories and experiences of others just like you. You will feel the support of people who are on the same journey. You will realize that you are not alone.
Be patient and be kind: At times life is a battle and the hardest battles we have are with ourselves. Take a moment to write down the one thing you can do today that will move your recovery from co-dependence forward. Remember to be patient with yourself, it took years to get you where you are, it will take time to get to your recovery destination.
“You have permission to rest. You are not responsible for fixing everything that is broken. You do not have to try and make everyone happy. For now, take time for you. It’s time to replenish.” – Unknown Together we can conquer your codependence, let’s make 2016 YOUR year!