One of the most common mistakes people make these days is trying to find a partner when they are coming from a wounded place. By this I mean they were either neglected or abused—sometimes both. If they were wounded as a child, they should deal with this before they look for someone to be with in a relationship

Relationships are not just about receiving or giving, they are about both. Some people give too much [codependents] and some too little [avoidants]. Narcissists take everything and give nothing in return. Once you address the pain left over from your child, then you can give and you can receive–you can love and be loved.

If you do not deal with your past you really have nothing to offer but the manifested behavior you have come to bring into every relationship you get in involved in. You may be afraid of intimacy because you were smothered by a parent and now hold back in a relationship. You may be needy because you were not loved enough by one or both of your parents. You may be angry and pick fights. You may be insecure and hang on too tight. If you are wounded you have your own list of ways you act out in a relationship.

People looking for love within the framework of a committed relationship really have nothing to offer if they are still stuck in the past. Therefore, as long as you do not address these issues you are not what I call “relationship material.” You are a seeker and you will not find what you really need to be happy. You may find someone for a while to play games with, but nothing will last as long as you have what Judith Sills calls “excess baggage.”

I will help you become relationship material. I will guide you as you seek to address the shortcomings leftover from the past. I will help you change and become ready for both love and a committed relationship. Contact me and let’s get to work.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of the award-winning book The Law of Sobriety: Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse. You can take her quiz to find out if you are co-dependent or sign up for a 30-minute strategy session with Sherry. Check out Sherry’s new book “Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love”.